It’s like the parental instinct that kicks in (in most cases) which allows us to subvert our own goals, and begin to serve the greater goal of nurturing and guiding our kiddos.īefore getting out of the car to go up to the appointment, Kim gave me the honor of allowing me to pray with her, and it is a privilege I do not take lightly. I watch my mom, Jan dealing with her aging mother’s dementia and its attendant fits of confusion and hostility, and I think, “how does she do it?”. This is not easy, but it is so simple when I ask, “what can I do?” the answer comes so quickly. A willingness to serve, which is fueled by my understanding of what it is to be a Christian, and what it is to be a friend, and what it is to be a member of a family. In times like these, at least for me, something kicks in which is bigger than my little comfort bubble, and my usual concern for my own comfort. Questions like: “How do I support a friend, family member and loved one who is facing this sort of battle?” “How do I communicate with her four other kids, who only know part of the story?”, “How do I support my daughter, who is facing the uncertainty and heaviness of a mother facing Cancer?”Īfter years of 12 step work and spiritual study, I’m grateful for one question that I don’t have to ask, which is: “What about me?”. The real issue here is the definition of family, the true essence of friendship and the “r word” I spent so many years avoiding: responsibility. That’s one of several she’s currently taking, and that doesn’t even factor in the possibility of chemotherapy later. Just one of Kim’s prescriptions would have cost $1500 for a two week supply without insurance. The current national Health Care discussion became very relevant and seemed all the more urgent and important. Everything I had been feeling and thinking up till that point became so much more real at that moment. There is nothing like walking into a doorway to a building with the words “Cancer Center” above it. As difficult and troubling as that was for me, I am positive it pales by comparison to Kim’s experience. Today I went with Kim to her bone marrow biopsy appointment at the Swedish Hospital Cancer Center. That all changed several weeks ago, when Kim (Meg’s mom) got sick while at the Toronto Film Festival. Since Meg has relocated back here with my my grandson, Brandon, the best I’ve been able to pull off is visiting once a year to see them, and that’s what this trip was originally about. The death of my mother, my “conversion” to Christianity, my fruitful time at FareStart and Starbucks, my return to Texas, and reconnecting with my dad and his wife, Jan (my OM: other mother). So many years and milestones have passed since then. I remember the Y2K obsession, my rampant cannabis addiction, and my hopes of finally becoming the kind of father my daughter, Meg deserved. I figured by then, we’d all be wearing silver clothes, and flying around in cars. I remember when I was a kid, and I looked forward to that year, thinking.”man, I’ll be 34”. I’m less than a mile away from my old house in Seattle, where I lived with Krista and Erin, back in the year 2000. I’m sitting in my room in the Hotel Deca, in the University District of Seattle. From a spiritual perspective, I was rescued from the prison of the familiar. My choices, and actions, were the "Causeway" for me to end up here. There is only one way (by car at least) to the island and one way to leave. The poetic implications of me moving to an island are very apt, and beautiful, for this move has forced me to accept a sense of separateness from the comfort of my friends and the familiar landscape of NW Houston. This was all part of the process of surrendering to His will in a deeper way, and has culminated in my moving to Galveston Island. I've sinned through commission and omission in several countless ways, and caused some harm to myself and others in the process.
Over the past year, since hearing that call, I have stumbled more in the flesh than ever before. Many of you know, that I felt very clearly called into the ministry in August of last year. Sanctification (as I understand it) is the process of having my outsides begin to match my insides. I don't intend to accomplish anything by this, except to begin to share openly about my inner / outer process of sanctification and pruning, which is currently happening in my life.
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